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Fragile Beautiful

The same pattern repeated itself over and over, in various ways.

And with each new scenario of social anxiety, a sense of unconscious shame was born and continued to grow.

I should have been able to call my friends without worrying that someone other than my friend would answer— we were teenagers. No one else my age seemed to have a problem with calling their friends. Everyone else was normal. (I wasn’t very normal at all.)

I should have been comfortable going to a new parents group to chat and compare notes over coffee— I’d had thirty-something years to learn how to be confident. Everyone else was crying out for a group to support them. (I was crying out for an excuse not to go.)

I was too sensitive. I was too weak. And because I was weak…I was ashamed of this me person who seemed somehow broken compared to the normal people who were unafraid of all the things that frightened me. 

Bugger-that.

How beautiful fragile I am.

How beautiful fragile I always have been.

Me who loves like the deepest ocean.

Me who was made this way so I could translate my heart into words.

So I could play and sing, and feel my music, not just hear it.

I was made this way because I was made this way.

Because I am fragile beautiful.

Because I am fragile-beautiful-me.

photo of heart shaped balloon
Photo by Andreas Wohlfahrt on Pexels.com

 

 

 

 

5 replies on “Fragile Beautiful”

Oh, Brooke, this speaks straight to my heart. I always felt like there was something wrong with me, too, that maybe I was just a strange anxious creature. But you’re so right. It’s a beautiful way to be. I’m just now coming around to thinking about it that way. Sometimes it’s still strange. But at least it makes it possible to really feel life, to be able to breathe in the beauty of the universe.

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Yes! I’m the exact same, Kat! I always knocked myself for the ways I didn’t compare with others. To think that all this time we’ve been missing it on our own awesomeness in favour of thinking we were a little bit broken. Nope. Just awesome! 😂Yay us! 😂❤️

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I have found connecting with new groups of people very hard since my breakup. I have “retreated” to friends that I know and feel safe around, and have had a hard time making new friends. I feel like something in me I need to “learn” to trust again other people, and put myself out there again.

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That’s completely understandable to me, Jason. I feel like relationship breakups are like energetic version of physical breaks within our bodies. Just think of all the exposed nerve endings you (and I) have got going on right about now. I think it’s wise to wait a while for the break to heal, rather than pouring lemon juice over the exposed nerves by jumping into new friendships. There’s no shame in giving yourself a break. 🙂 Anyway, that went deep. Lol. I do that quite a bit, don’t I? Ha ha ha. 😛

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