Life is busy and overwhelming at the moment. I’m better for the tools I’ve found to bring me back to softness (walking, gratefulness, meditation) but it’s a mammoth slog I’ve been through.

And a mammoth slog that lay ahead.

My husband and I are merging two houses into one. House work must be done. Small children must be both survived and parented beautifully, given the monstrously high standards I set for myself.

And I need to write, or create (more than I have been) or I might die. No one is dramatic here. No one at all.

I’ve never been through a period of life that has been so truly exhausting, from all angles, for so long. A million different balls hover in the air around me and I do not know which one to reach for in order to catch it and bring it down.

Not only that, but my spirit is quite literally breaking free from my body, shouting (well, more buzzing and glowing, really) to be let out, to be set free. From something. From everything. The energy that moves through my body so often brings such beauty to my life, but I can also hear it asking to be apart of something more. I wish I had the time, clarity, and grit to give it what it is asking of me.

I’m grateful.

I’m tired.

And it’s tough. And it’s oddly beautiful.

Photo by Kristina Polianskaia on

By brookecutler2

Liver of life, lover of everything. 💕

8 replies on “Grateful.Tired.”

It always seems that, when we have a million things to pay attention to at the same time, the soul yearns for something more, something other. I often wonder if it’s the soul wanting to escape or the soul pointing to what it really, truly yearns for. Either way, it is exhausting, but, yes, so gorgeous. I hope everything falls into place for you and your family and your soul can find what it needs.

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It does doesn’t it. ☺️ I suspect things will fall beautifully into place, and yet I also suspect my soul will always be yearning, on account that I am one of those romantic dreamy types. I’d imagine my soul might always need to yearn in some way. It’s been that way since I was a teenager. I’ll probably be a little like the old lady in titanic. Once was a passionate young dreamer, became a lovely old lady still dreaming out to sea. ☺️

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Haha, oh, Booke, me, too! According to my parents, I’ve always been dreaming of things and my soul is still searching. Though there’s something strangely delightful in always yearning, especially since it ensures life is never boring and there are always dreams.

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I’m so happy and nostalgic, reading your pieces again after such a long time and remembering why I love them. You’re always so full of life and the yearning to be alive in the moment. It’s beautiful 💜


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