Categories
Life

Relative Darkness

I’m sitting in the relative darkness and life is happening, all around.

In the bedrooms, my children are sleeping. In the branches, possums are creeping across the night. There are bugs out the window by the thousands, spiders spinning elaborate webs: the most stunning miracles of architecture.

And here, there is me.

Still wondering: what is it all for?

I still feel alone, in many ways, although I’m quite happy to be alone in my alone-ness. Everyone has their own version of alone. My version just so happens to be the way in which I view the world. Just a small difference. Just a tiny glitch of alone on the vast sea of everything.

I suppose I should learn to accept our society as it is. Everyone has vastly different belief systems, and I think that is entirely lovely, one of the shining pearls in the ocean of humanity. I just wish we could happily be ourselves, without the nonsense, though. To be truly authentically ourselves, without having to bend who we are to fit our art into trends. To fit our personalities into social groups. To fit our broken pieces into shining humanity: the great big flying flock of perfection.

I find myself currently wrestling with a box. A place I do not wish to be.

A box, largely self made, partially made by well meaning folk (much like myself) longing for connection and home. What is a box, in the context I speak, you might ask? A trend. A stereotype. A label.

I am (what they call) an Empath. It’s clear that my personality and many of my traits and sensitivities fit into this box they have called Empath, and it’s been so beautiful (and very handy) to have had so many resources and like minded souls to help me feel as though I’m not alone in the universe.

But as much as it thrills me to have found a beautiful little tribe of the sweetest, softest hearts to love: I am suffocating beneath this label. And I don’t want it. I just don’t. Because as like-minded as we who can identify with the label Empath are, we are also a whole world of different, in many ways. Not only that, but we are also very much the same as others who wouldn’t identify as highly sensitive. We are human. Just like everyone else. Not special, not broken. Human.

I want to be free. I am a wide-open, free as the wind that blows me, soul.

I do not want a box. I do not want a box.

I am ready and willing to help other sensitive muffins open to the fullness of who they are, but I just can’t move past this feeling of no, stop, reassess. Yes, it’s clear I am sensitive. But I don’t want this to be a focus in my world, I just want it to be something that is.

If I carry on with my new blog, Empath Days, this will tether me to a box I don’t wish to belong in, and that’s the part of this whole thing I can’t come to accept. Am I overthinking? Probably (I am me, after all). The frame ‘Empath’ has served me well. It has served as contrast and recognition, a mirror to help propel me forward. But I do think that’s all it was meant to be on my life journey. A rocket launcher. A breadcrumb. Not my life’s work. And certainly not my identity.

I started Empath Days (my new little venture, aimed at Empaths and sensitive folk) because I wanted to help others, like me, find their way and feel less alone. But I can do that here, I can do that at the supermarket, I can do that at school pick-up, ’round the dinner table. There are many wonderful Empaths (let me just use the term because it’s easy) out there whose purpose it is to guide other Empaths into wholeness through a specific channel.

I just don’t think I’m one of them. At least, not at this point in time.

Right now, if I am anything, I am a writer of my heart: a liver of my dreams.

If I do have a purpose it is to guide others to open and release from the boxes of this life. To find their dreams, to open their box. Not to encourage people to find a box and stay there. Are we not here to live? Are we not here to fly wherever, whenever, however?

I believe we are.

So I’m going to stop Empath Days in it’s tracks.

I don’t want to be an Empath. I want to be all of me.

I want to create what I create, and I want it to be beautiful, all of it, especially the journey to each sweet prize. The creative process: I want it to be free flying everything.

I want to teach what I’ve learned and drown in my passions.

I want to write my book, my poems, my soul.

I want to live, however I live.

Oh, and I want to love. (Always, always I want to love.)

So I’m going back to the drawing board.

I’ll be back, sweet bloggy friends, when I’ve had a chance to unscrambled my thoughts, a little.

xx Brooke

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Categories
Life

Beautiful People

To my beautiful people.

I miss you.

Like a lost piece of my soul,

I miss you.

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Categories
Life

Thinking

It’s an odd spot I find myself in. This middle land of bloggy days.

This creative world of half-begun.

These are the things that I know:

  • I know I love the freedom of this blog: it doesn’t feel right to be stuck in a box.
  • I know my new blog is ‘a box.’ A lovely box, that I hope to be very proud of one day, but it is a box. I need more than a box.
  • I know I love this place. It’s home to my love of books. Music. Friends. It is my heart and soul. My unbridled creativity.
  • I know I’m not ready to give up on my Little Blog of Everything, yet.

So I’ve decided I won’t.

I thought it would make sense for me to let it go, and in some ways it does but in other ways it doesn’t. This grey world. However do we make it through. 🙂

This blog allows all my creative seasons to be, and to be shared.

I love that. I love sharing my talents and passions: for much too much of my life, my creativity was held captive, losing life behind the bars of solitude. I fear that by leaving this place, I will be placing that creativity back in the hands of a sloppy, unappreciative owner. I don’t want to do that.

I want to always let it fly.

So I’ll stay until I know in my heart of hearts that it’s time to say goodbye.

That’s what Mary Poppins said to the children.

I’ll stay.

Until the wind changes (which might be never.)

(And Empath Days will carry on as planned. xx)

empathdays.com(opens in a new tab)

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Categories
Life

Changes

Hello my sweet bloggy friends. 🙂

Changes are happening everywhere in the world, and this creative life of mine is one place things are shifting! Oh my goodness, where to even begin.

I’ll have a few sneaky little surprises in store for you over the coming months, but one of them I can reveal now, and so…I will! (The rest I will be able to reveal once I actually get my act together and figure out exactly where I’m going with this funny old life of mine.)

Most of you know I’ve been flipping about with this blog, not really sure where I’m going with it, and it’s been bothering me a little: I’ve felt as though there was something calling that I couldn’t quite hear.

Well, I’ve finally heard, and am now finally starting to slot all the puzzle pieces of me into place. Are you ready to hear what my latest creative adventure might be? I’ve created a new blog! On WordPress! (Ha ha ha: because of course I would do an odd thing like that, wouldn’t I?)

The reason for this move is because I’ve been growing increasingly aware of the importance of boundaries in my life, and as you all know: this blog is here, there, and all the way to the other side of the moon and back. (lol :P)

And as much as I love writing in this casual tone to you all, I’ve decided to really hone in on particular sections of my life and run with them for a little while. I’m also going to cut back on the very personal stuff, I think, and focus more on what you guys might benefit from, rather than just, well, waffling selfish nonsense and sending you all a bazillion love hearts whenever I feel like it. 🙂 Sadly, sharing those authentic parts of me are what I’ve loved so much about blogging. But. I really just need a change. I hope you’ll all understand.

So, I’ve created a little hub, I suppose you might call it. A place for people like us to gather, explore our depth and sensitivity, enjoy poetry and photography (which I’ll be shooting, focusing on nature, most likely, though I’d also like to work with exploring a deeper range of colours and textures.)

I’m currently still working on the design and layout of the new blog, but in the meantime you are so very welcome to join me over at:

Empath Days ( link below )

Home

Eventually I hope to offer some of my work for sale from that platform (my photography and poetry services/framed prints etc) although I’m only in the very early stages of this new creative adventure. It will likely take time to work out the logistics.

So! How exciting, hey, you guys. 🙂 I’m really looking forward to the change in vibe, and hopefully some beautiful conversations with some of you over there. For now, I’ll keep this blog open, but post less often just to free up some extra energetic space for planning ( and, umm, life, you know 🙂 ). I do imagine I’ll eventually shut this site down to focus on the newest arm of my creative journey, though. What a bitter sweet day that will be.

I so dearly hope you will all come along for the ride, my beautiful bloggy friends. Of course, if our journey together ends with the last words of this, my little blog of everything, I will so completely understand and love you for all the beautiful moments we’ve shared along the way. xx

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Categories
Poetry

Control

Control.

Lack of it.

Need for it.

Flight from it.

Control.

There will always be

hunger

for freedom.

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Categories
Poetry

Isn’t It Funny

Isn’t it funny

that for a moment

you forgot how wonderful you are.

Sweet, dancing sunshine.

Isn’t it funny.

Photo by Rodolfo Quiru00f3s on Pexels.com
Categories
Life

Human

I cannot un-see the dirty cheeks: the little toothless boy in the back of the ambulance. It was a bomb. How many of his family lay buried beneath the rubble, I’ll never know, I looked away. Every so often I see him there, though, that beautiful little boy in my mind. The Son of another, and yet, somehow, my Son, too.

We need to change, don’t we, before we explode ourselves into oblivion. I’ll be the broken record, again, and tell you that I don’t believe change can come from the blaming, shaming, incarcerating narrative we seem to have clung to as a so called intelligent species.

We’ve sent men to the moon.

And yet, still, we continue to feed our egos around the water cooler, blaming and shaming the perpetrators of crime, rather than working with our empathy to understand, and gently shift team humanity to a better place.

I know it’s hard. We are human, after all, we are designed to fight and defend: and thank goodness for that, or we’d never have survived our caveman days. I wonder if we might be able to think about it for a moment, though, perhaps use our hearts a little more in our decision making processes going forward?

What if, for a moment, rather than jumping to the attack, we looked into the humanity of the ‘monsters’. What if, for a moment, we saw criminals as humans, just like us, who believe different things, and do not know how to perceive any differently without a quiet (persistent) conversation. Will we change them by attacking them? No. I don’t believe so.

I always come back to a wonderful writing quote I learned when studying for my masters: Every villain is the hero of his own story. It’s true of understanding the inner workings of a good story, and it’s true of understanding the dark side of humanity. A person will not change if he believes he is acting for good. Many a villain does, in fact, act with the absolute belief that he is working for the good of someone. Unfortunately, there is often a loser. How do we fix this? I don’t know. But I know it’s not with anger and hate.

I wonder: is it time we looked at ourselves, finally, and admitted the truth. We’re on the same team. Can we not fight to save the lives of the murderers of the world, before they kill again? Can we not fight to see the point of view of the next car bomber, before he feels the need to play a game that nobody wins?

I wonder those things sometimes.

I might keep wondering about them some more.

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Categories
Poetry

A Story

It smells like a roast

but it feels like a story

of love,

of a garden,

and of home.

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Categories
Healing

Brave Face

I walk the streets listening to music that makes me cry.

I suppose I will do this until I have made peace with my past and become all that I am in this moment forever onwards, but for now, this is me: and me feels achingly beautiful. Like snow.

To walk the streets in this way, releasing newly risen anger and pain, is the gasp for breath I’ve needed to take for so long. Was I holding my breath, all those years? What did I do with anger and sadness before I learned to tie them in a ribbon of apricot sun?

I am no different to the one who reads this. Each of us travel through childhood gathering scars we will carry for the rest of our lives, or at least until we face them. I am facing mine, now.

I am feeling the anger and the pain.

I am also feeling a greater love than I’ve ever known.

For the sweet little girl I was, and still am in many ways.

For the beautiful people who loved me. How they nurtured my softness, how they pained to see it tarnished by the hardness of the world.

This is the gentle home of me.

Please, come in, just the way you are.

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Categories
Life

Sending A Cuddle

Hello my beautiful bloggy friends 🙂

Technically I’m still on my bloggy break, but I’ve been feeling an urge to reach out to you all and send some invisible flying cuddles, just incase you need them.

There is such thickness and density in the air at the moment, and I wanted to remind you that wherever you sit among the noise: you’re quite perfect, just the way you are.

If your petals are orange and all the rest of the flowers in the garden are pink: wonderful.You were born to be orange. So be orange.

So much love, bloggy friends.

I’ll be back next week, sometime.

xx Brooke

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