I like to pop in every day, if I can. Often there are days that I miss, and today was going to be one of them. I’m just a bit tired, today. The only me I have available to give is a little ‘hello, I hope you’re all doing okay.’
It frustrates me when the Soft Girl is out of action (for those of my bloggy family who are new, the Soft Girl is what I call my intuition/connection to self/connection to my creativity).
That beautiful wind feels ridiculously lovely as it moves through me, and the results of the Soft Girl’s blissful energy in motion are often just as lovely. So I’m missing her, today. She’s having a little snooze, and that’s okay. ☺️
Anyway, so much love bloggy friends. Hopefully I’ll be back with a little more in the tank, tomorrow. xx
I thought I might take a little time away from our lovely bloggy land.
I’ll miss you a fair bit, so I might be back in a couple of days, or three or four. Or a week. (No longer than a week, I don’t imagine.)
It occurred to me the other day that I always have the tap turned on and flowing toward this place, and that it might be nice to turn it off, or at least, around, for a while.
I’m sure the creative flow will just split off into another river of expression. What will it be, I wonder? I do have some pot-plant pots that need painting. A canvas that’s been sitting bare for about six-months (partly because I’m lazy, partly because I’m busy, and partly because I can’t really paint.)
Anyway, I thought a bit of time to recharge might be nice.
I’ll be in the contact section if anyone needs me.
I’m hovering over the heater. If my pants were made of plastic, in fact, they’d have melted to my legs by now.
That’s beside the point, I suppose. The point is…actually, there is no point. I’m just feeling a little glum and I wanted the world to know that this sort of thing happens to people.
It happens, and here I am, gifting you all with the gloriously heavy mud bricks of proof. Proof of glum. (Thank goodness I made this a little blog of everything. Today, it’s my diary.)
I wonder if any of you remember the girl who started this blog. Perpetually happy. Not a cloud in the sky. She was a little soul starved, certainly, but she was sparkly, and happy happy happy. She could walk in nature and listen to music without bursting into flaming sobs of aching life.
My life is broken. And it’s also the greatest, most beautiful magical life I’ve ever known; a creative adventure that touches me to the very core. Can you see the utter confusion I’m dealing with here?
I’m angry. At everybody and nobody at all.
I’m sad, because I am.
I’ve just read a wonderful article about the creative brain, actually, and how creative folk do tend to go through bouts of depression and the like, just because of the way we’re wired. Because of the often self imposed isolation (umm, me.) Because of the heightened senses (umm, also me.)
I suppose it’s a seperate can of worms when you throw in a marriage seperation, two small children, a global health pandemic and a raging angry sea of humans. I feel all these things deeply. And where once I buried pain as soon as it struck, I now allow myself to feel it. (Who even does that. Blurgh.)
I don’t want anyone to worry about me. The clouds always clear. Usually by morning (so there’s the bright side girl, being annoying again.)
But life, hey. ☺️ Sometimes I just feel a little more human than I really want to, and I suppose the next part of my journey is learning how to be okay with that.
I’m certain I must be known around town as that girl who walks and cries. It’s the music. It quite literally becomes me, to the point where I feel like I’m a floating puff of emotional cloud. It’s not even my emotion. Its the emotion (the energy) of the song. People must think I’m barking mad as I float along, sometimes whimsical, sometimes in tears.
Six-year-old me. Bundled in a blanket. Mum hoisting me into the air, swinging round and about and back again.
‘This sack of potatoes is SO HEAVY!’, she jollied, as she wobbled me up the porch steps and into Nan and Pops arms for the evening. She was a young, single woman. I suppose she must have been going out on the town.
That moment. It was thirty-one years ago, but actually— in my heart and in my mind, it’s now. I see it—and feel it— clearly. Dreams live on the same street as memories: sleeping dreams, and dreams for a brighter day. Books and the characters to whom they introduce us: they live in the magical, beautiful blackness, too.
That’s where they live, I think.
And bloggy friends? One day, I will call us (and this bloggy land of ours) a beautiful, beautiful memory.
But in the twinkling dust of eternity—we will always be now.
And we will always be able to find each other at home.
To me, that is just one of the loveliest, lovely things.
I may be about to make the biggest mistake of my life.
Okay, that’s a little dramatic, let me rephrase.
I may be about to make the biggest mistake of 2020.
What’s the big mistake, you ask?
The thing that’s got me a little rattled, a little nervous, a little unsure?
It’s the first of May, tomorrow.
And THIS is happening!
I’m both frightened and thrilled, all rolled into a woman.
Thrilled because the last Darling blog of May brought so much beauty and fun to my life.
Frightened because the last Darling blog of May could have gone SO badly wrong, given there are only SO many ‘darling things’ a girl can think of on any given month of her life.
But I am ready.
And so it is we begin.
The only rules are: the official ‘darling’ post for the day must reference ‘darling’ in some way. I might play with either the word or the concept…there are no limits, except for that teeny little word: Darling.
And yes. I’m leaving the rules relatively open to allow me the opportunity to, umm, (cough) cheat on days the creative tank is running on empty. (Lol. I am NOT sorry, guys! This is for my own sanity. Ha ha ha.)
I will also continue with my regular content when the tank is full enough to allow more than one post a day— you’ll know the difference by both the title and the ‘Darling blog of May’ banner at the bottom of each post.
So, yes. That’s what’s happening this month on The Little Blog Of Everything.
I so hope everyone can make it along for the ride! Yay!
I felt connected to myself today, somehow more grounded than I’ve felt for a long while.
It was a surprising— and much longed for—shift in energy, I have to say. It reminded me of the early days of this blog, when I was still me enough to feel steady on my feet, but not me enough to know I was about to fly somewhere. And I didn’t know where I was about to fly, all I knew was…it was going to be somewhere else.
Somewhere free, somewhere so incredibly beautiful— and as it happens, that place is slowly finding me. Slowly, very slowly, but it’s finding me, and I’m grateful.
I’m grateful to those of you who’ve stayed with me through the waves. The highs and lows of a newly single Mum of two, who, quite frankly, still has quite the way to go before finding anything that looks remotely like stability.
But I’m getting there.
And today…well, today made me think that I might just be a little closer than I thought I was to getting back to the grounded girl (woman) who started this blog.
The depression has been the killer for me, I think. The uncertainty of a life gone mad, threw me (and continues to throw me, actually) under the bus of life, and given I’ve isolated myself fairly solidly for, oh, you know, my whole life…I’ve largely been dealing with all these changes alone. So, guys…it’s kind of sucked. Majorly. Just a little bit. (I should point out that I’m not placing myself in the role of ‘victim’, here. I’m aware that every step of my journey has been mine to take. I’m just pointing out what has been.)
Actually, I’m so truly grateful for many things. Having you guys to come back to, my two particularly patient besties, a really rather reasonable ex-husband (and positively brilliant Father, might I add), and a Dad of my own who takes my breath away with his steadfast, gentle there-ness. I mean, really, what’s an upside-down life when you have all of those wonderful things to turn your frown around.
You may have noticed the changes to my blog, and if not, that’s okay. I’ve never been very good at noticing peoples’ new hair cut either (even if they’ve had long hair and cut most of it off).
One thing I can guarantee will not be changing is my absolutely bonkers personality; the girl that brings you ‘dad’ jokes one day and mushy gooey poetry the next. The thing that this ‘awakening’ has taught me is that I am a blank canvas. I can be whoever I want to be, whoever I enjoy being the most.
And so I’ll keep being that slightly random (okay, pretty bloody random) girl you all know so well, if you don’t mind. I never did fit into a box, and I’ll never aim to fit into one either.
I’m just very randomly me.
And I’m so glad I’ve got a very lovely band of lovely heads (you guys!) to spill all my tears and love hearts onto, every now and then.
My beautiful bloggy friends, I’m moving things around a little bit in my world, as most of you are already painfully aware.
I am both sorry that you’ve all been the recipients of such upheaval, and grateful I’ve given you a fairly accurate reflection of a real and true, winding life.
I’ve been deleting old programs, both online and within the matrix of me that no longer resonate, and this morning I realised I’d been neglecting my bloglovin’ account: my first blog, ‘All the Sunny Mummy Days,’ was linked there for those outside of WordPress to find.
I truly believe that we find the words, and people, we need to find in this world- exactly where and when we need to find them.
And so I’m linking this blog over there, too, so my words have a bit of a central place to live, I suppose you might say.
I’m actually planning on giving this blog a massive makeover, which will just be a matter of figuring out how to do that, exactly. We all remember how completely shocking I am when it comes to…umm, computery stuff, don’t we? ☺️
Feel free to follow me on Bloglovin, if you’d like, but otherwise I’ll still be completely accessible here. It will be as though nothing at all has changed.
The truth is, I had a beautiful burst of inspiration on my walk today (as often does happen when I’m out walking) and I was going to post while I was out there with my trees. The problem was that I was at the tail end of a super long hike and was just…well. Pretty pooped, to be honest.
I’m even more pooped now, and so I’m just using my ‘me’ self to check in and send you as many love hearts as I think you might be able to catch through the internet.
How is everyone going with all the big stuff happening in the world at the moment? So much love to any of you who are feeling fearful, or unwell. We will get through this, we so super dooper for sure will. xx
There have been a few massive energetic shifts for me over the past few days, and the dense energy of fear, selfishness and resentment in the air at the supermarket is teaching me an awful lot about how I percieve and process energy. So where it’s been really heavy and hard on my system, I suppose it’s been quite good in that it’s handing me new clues about the me that’s been slowly rising to the surface over the past couple of years.
I’ve got to head off to snoozeville now, but before I go I wanted to tell you about the new creative adventure I’ve started up on instagram! I’ve been loving seeing all the creative folk band together and reach out with their talents to keep all the home dwellers entertained, so I’ve decided to do the same.
I’ve posted two days worth of videos so far. If you guys want to have a look, I’d so love to see you there. I’ve changed instagram accounts, so the one linked to my blog is no longer being updated. But if you do want to join me on the new account, my handle is the_softgirl. That’s where my week long insta-story thing is happening. 🙂
Anyway, I’m so so tired after my huge walk today. I’ll be back posting as soon as I get another burst of inspiration. Please don’t go anywhere- you guys are still my most favourite love hearts in the world.
In another life, I must have been a computer whiz. I say that, because in this particular life time…I try. That’s all I’ll say about my abilities when it comes to anything that looks or sounds like technology.
A few of you might remember that a couple of weeks ago I posted a link to the podcast I was lucky enough to be a part of. Anyway, I can’t find that post anywhere but in my drafts, so I’m posting it again with an updated link to the podcast: Jonathan tells me it has a new home, so the previous link will no longer work.