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Life

Then Is Gone. This Is Now.

Her words lumped in my gut like a blob of warm resentment.

I was late. By six-minutes.

I would be charged a full half an hour extra— her colleague had been unable to go to lunch until my arrival.

The blob grew thick within me.

Tears wobbled but did not fall.

Breath came, deeper than usual because I asked it to. Because I didn’t know what else to do with the blob she gave me.

She was right. These were the rules, however ridiculous.

The old me would have met this trigger with a puddle of me, and kept it brewing until tomorrow.

The new me saw the pointlessness of keeping the left-overs and asked my pain to disappear.

Perhaps she was only trying to save me money for next time.

And here was my brain, instantly turning her words into a beacon of shame.

Whatever the case, the moment has passed.

Then is gone.

This is now.

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The Darling Blog Of May

Darling Day 14. Where Did All The Darling Go?

Darling day 14.

A day to sit in front of the computer and stare.

And stare.

And stare some more and wonder: is this where it all comes crashing down?

Is this the day the tank that once was full drizzles to a dripping halt?

The day this brain of mine says:

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Guys.

I feel we’ve reached a point in our relationship where we can be honest about things.

Honest about the good.

Honest about the bad.

And honest about the very, very bad.

This.

This is very, very bad.

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And it’s not to say that I don’t have any plans for this darling blog of mine.

Oh no. They’re there, alright.

Tucked up my sleeve, waiting for the perfect day to reveal themselves to me.

The thing is— This. Is not that day.

Nope. Sorry.

Today, the brain says: NO.

That’s got to be a little darling in itself, right?

Umm. Right?

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The darling blog of May