Categories
Poetry

I Will HoldYou

I will hold your ache in loving arms.

I will be the faith you have lost in the world.

I will shine a light on your breaking heart,

that you may hand stitch the truth

into the fabric of your soul

and know it is safe

to feel.

I will love you.

All the broken you wish not to see,

I will hold you.

I will hold you, love.

Categories
Poetry

Choosing Better

The darkness of life is a wonderful teacher.

I’ve been there a time or two,

and now I say, ‘no’.

Lovingly,

with fire and ice,

I say no.

No, thank you.

No. Thank you,

no more.

Such a lovely relief,

the roaring breath of certainty.

The trust of a self who deserves better

than they have given.

My worth is here to stay.

My love is mine to give,

not theirs to take, and take

and take.

Let others play in the dark rooms of maddening life.

Let this girl fly,

a darling wonder,

into the sun beyond it all.

Safe.

Loved.

And perfectly capable of asking for love,

respect

and home.

Home.

How beautiful it feels

to finally tell them I am home.

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Categories
Poetry

Feel

Some days,

I can’t be here for you.

Some days

I need you,

to hold my softness

and let me fall.

It is a beautiful drift of snow

that feathers the earth of me.

A gentle spring breeze

beyond the strength I’ve tried so hard to be.

And I lay me down to feel it all.

I lay me down to feel it all.

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Categories
Poetry

A Fine Rose

I will craft this scar into a fine rose.

Soft pink and berry, Mum,

like the sweet child I was to you.

Take this rose

carefully,

softly,

sweetly, remembering home.

I have been afraid

because of you,

and yet

because of you

love has broken me open;

I shine our memory into the world

like a moonlit day.

Take this rose

carefully,

softly,

sweetly,

for I am still afraid

I will craft this fine rose into a scar.

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Categories
Poetry

Soul Song

My

soul

knows

this

song.

Categories
Life

Deeply

I think about her, sometimes, when my heart turns to sun. Nan. Her heart used to shine like that, too, which is why I can’t help but think of her when I feel intense love radiating from my own chest. As an off shoot of the kind of love she gave to me (and, let’s face it, probably genetics) I am who I am. And I love, as deeply as I love.

We fluff our ways through life, bothering about the silliest of things: when really we should hold the beauty, longer. Feel the love of our loved ones, longer. Express our love to others, without fear: give them the beautiful gift of sun that Nan gave to me.

I often think of Nan, and when I do I wonder why I loved her so deeply, why I still feel her today just as beautifully as I did when she was here. I loved her because she loved me. I loved her because there was never a question when I felt her energy how much it meant to her that I was alive. What a gift to be given by someone. What a gift: to know that you have touched their life, that you have meant something to their moments.

I shine when I look at my children with the same kind of love my Nan did when she looked at me, and I can only hope the depth of that love sinks into them as deeply as it has me.

I’m waffling a bit today, and that’s okay. I’m in my love place. I’m in my world of grateful and I intend to make the most of it and spread Nan’s sunshine, while I’m here.

She would have loved that.

She would have loved that I’ve given her sweet sunshine to you.

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Categories
Life

Unravelled

Music brought me undone again, today.

Unravelled. Beautifully. Thoroughly.

And though it’s not a surprise that music can so easily undress my soul, it is often a surprise to feel the way it surges and dances through my body.

How it grabs hold of my belly, my arms, my legs, and drags itself upwards.

How it grounds me. So deeply, so powerfully I could never fly away.

I don’t know why this happens to me.

All I know is that it is profoundly beautiful.

And I’m grateful.

I’m really so far beyond grateful.

Categories
Life

Thank Goodness

I knew it would take me there. To the place beyond everything, the place that shows me, really quite beautifully, who I truly am.

I can’t remember the last time I watched Legends of the Fall. A very long time ago. A lifetime ago, you might say, and if you did say that I wouldn’t argue with you. I last saw the movie before I had truly lived. Before I had truly ached. Before I had truly felt loss, and the echoing stillness of life’s fragility.

Last night I watched the movie through new eyes, and it tore me apart. Very beautifully, it tore me apart, but it tore me apart all the same.

It reminded me of the depth and softness of who I am.

It reminded me of the beauty of the human connection.

And it reminded me why I write: to feel and to help others feel, too.

Thank goodness I watched that movie, last night.

Thank goodness.

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Categories
Poetry

Just A Game

Is it worth these precious breaths?

This fight,

this blame,

this game?

Is it really so important?

People die

(people who are loved)

and still we take for granted

life.

And we fight,

and we blame

in this game.

It’s just a game,

just a bloody game.

Just

a bloody

game.

Categories
Poetry

Loneliness

There is depth and beauty in loneliness.

It is quiet.

Peaceful.

And though I’ve never known it,

loneliness is the wave that has known me

a lifetime, long.

Its quiet waits for nothing,

it just hangs in the air,

aching,

holding me closer

and closer

until I am quiet, too.

I will try to let it be.

To never ask it to leave,

but instead,

let it fill me

until I have no room left inside.

I will let it be, now,

loneliness.

I will no longer be attached

to wishing it gone.

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