Spiritual Awakening

Confessions Of A Meditator

This is a big post for me. A very vulnerable one, which is saying something, considering all I ever do is unzip my chest and share my heart with the lot of you.

I’m sharing all this with you because I’ve been largely bottling it all up inside, for many reasons, really, but mainly fear of judgement. I think I’m ready now, though. I think it’s time to share.

I suppose I want to dive a little bit deeper into my awakening story because I’m so sure there are others out there who are going through very similar experiences. I want to be as specific as I can, to help them. Because, guys…I was scared shitless when I went from being normal, to…well, really not very normal at all.

Before I had all my medical check ups, even though I was faced with a sea of internet advice from those who’d travelled the spiritual path before me, I was still convinced I was probably dying. At the very least, broken in some way. My body is perfectly fine as it turns out. Better than fine, more often than not, apart from the depression that’s arisen from travelling a bit of a rocky road of late.

Below are some of the changes I’ve experienced on my journey so far:

  1. I can feel music within my body.

I’ve always felt a great surge of freedom and joy while singing, so that’s not really new. But what is new is the feeling of bliss/wind and lightness beneath my skin as I listen to certain songs. This energy feels so, so beautiful, and seems to match the intensity/vibe of the particular song I’m listening to. And no, it’s not at all normal, I don’t suppose. Unless…it is? Maybe you lot have all had the pleasure of living this way this whole time and I’m only just coming to the party now. How funny to think of that! Where have I been my whole life? That poor little softie I used to be must have numbed out pretty early on to have missed out on all this goodness!

2. I feel my own power within my body, and I hold myself accordingly.

This one was a super freaky change for me. For my whole life I’ve lived as this sweet, quirky, shy little thing. I’m still all those things. But I seem to have grown into a beautiful confidence I’ve never known. Now I speak with my hands and I hold myself like a lion when I need to. It’s freaky. And absolutely the most graceful, empowering feeling in the world. I do still suffer from some pretty yucky insecurities, from time to time, particularly when my energy is not at all clear and my hormones are ridiculous, but over all the empowerment is a lovely addition to team me.

3. When my energy is clear, writing (creating) is as easy as breathing.

I meditate everyday which clears my energy. It feels a little bit like I’ve had a shower on the inside, which is the most wonderful light feeling in the world. It activates The Soft Girl (my intuition/grace/God/the universe-whatever you believe is in charge of this whole shindig) and when it does, my writing just flies out of me. I don’t think. I just write. And somehow, by some miracle, what I write makes sense. And isn’t entirely terrible, either.

4. I feel the energy flowing through specific energy centres, and through my body, when I write (sometimes.)

This is one of my absolute favourites, and completely new, post awakening. When I sit down to write a poem, let’s say, I relax my entire body and as I do I begin to feel the energy flow. It begins at my lower belly (my sacral chakra) as a very light swirling feeling, as though a cool wind is moving through my abdomen. (I should be clear here: before my awakening, I had never even heard of Chakras, so you might imagine just how freaked out I was when I began to feel the energy swirling, buzzing and lighting up within my body! Ha ha ha.)

This same cool wind moves up and through my torso as I write. This is the sensation I call The Soft Girl, and this lovely lady feels like the sweetest, softest bliss. I’d imagine, to all you out there on team God, this feeling would be considered Grace. I could easily believe that. Though I don’t necessarily believe in a bearded man called God, I believe this is surely much more than a neurological function. It is far too beautiful a feeling, and life change, not to be considered something more.

5. I can feel my energy grounding into the earth.

This one is also an absolutely wonderful feeling. There are a few ways I feel this one: and these ways are available to all, I might add, through meditation. The first way I feel my energy grounding is through my legs and feet. There is a wonderful practice in meditation where you ask (focus) your energy to move down your legs and into the earth. We have chakras in our feet, and when you intend to open these chakras you can actually feel the energy in your feet begin to whir and release. Just so beautiful, and so worth a try for all of you who are curious.

Another way I feel my energy ground is by sitting on the earth. This one is a little more rare, for me, but as I sit on the earth and relax (and, again, intend to ground my energy) there is almost a heavy rippling feeling where my seat bone meets the earth. Very often this is also accompanied by an involuntary jolt at the base of my spine. Guys. This one is super freaky and amazing. To feel my body jolt involuntarily like this…it’s just so cool. And people wonder why I’m so in love with nature. 🙂


Anyhow, I’ve been wanting to share all this for a while now but, honestly, even though it’s all been going on for a couple of years, sharing it all is still very new to me. I tend to stay quiet about the particulars unless I know I’m talking to a safe person, someone who won’t judge me for being odd or broken or the like.

I’m not alone in this life transformation and the beautiful oddities that come along with it, I know that. Many of my friends are now experiencing this sort of awakening, too, which is so lovely and reassuring. But I’m yet to come across an Empath with my specific deep feeling sensitivities. I’m dying to have that conversation. You know the one. The ‘oh, my goodness, ME TOO!’ one.

If any of you out there would like to share your own awakening/meditation/energy healing experiences in the comments, please do. Anything that will help me, and others, feel less alone and more empowered to explore the boundaries of our path can only be a good thing, I think.

So much love, my very bloggy family. Stay safe. Ugly cry as much as you want. 🙂

xx Brooke


The Story Of Us

Have you noticed how life leaves clues along the way? At the time the clues are dropped, we often miss them (or at least, I do) but looking back, it’s so clear why this thing, that thing, or the other thing had to happen in order for us to arrive right here.

In this very moment.

As this very version of us.

For me, when my spirit came knocking again after a little while of being…well, I have no idea where it was, to be honest— it was muted within my human reality/body/life, lets put it that way. Sort of half asleep.

Whatever, wherever, however. When it returned, it brought with it the entire story of me, including a trail of very obvious signposts pointing to here, now, me.

The journey to accepting (loving all the bits and pieces of) myself, others, and all of life has been an absolutely fascinating one.

Epiphany after epiphany. Resistance. Rest. Depression.

Energy shift. Growth. Slight acceptance of self and others.

Divorce (oh bugger).

Depression. Depression. Depression.

More epiphanies. Resistance. Rest. Enjoy life. Greater love and acceptance of my humans and myself.

Energy shift. Rest. Depression. More acceptance. Epiphany. Growth. Rest. I think you get the picture.

Anyway, it’s been a journey so far, and after a massive energy shift last week I’m feeling GOOD. Really full, and whole, and content. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been out walking every morning this week—hanging out with music, trees, and the good old whirling universe that’s made the difference. A bit of self-love and me-time does tend to bring the balance back a little, doesn’t it.

This morning’s epiphanies lead to the absolute realization that perfect cannot exist without imperfect, just as thick cannot exist without thin. And so the idea that I am what I am when I am it, began to sink a little deeper into the essence of me. It sounded and felt like the most beautiful, soothing lullaby to me.

As I tidied the mess that small children make of an otherwise tidy house, I let the toys, the noise and the lack of control just wrap around me, rather than ‘judge’ it for being ‘bad’. I accepted the chaos, and when I did, I clearly saw and understood the duality of it all. I cannot have these beautiful tiny humans, without the opposite of the good they bring. Because that is life. That is the chaos of it all.

The moment I accepted that small children just are where they are at (guys, that’s code for complete mess makers and lunatics 😛 ) the easier it was for me to accept where I am at. See? What magic is this life? SUCH magic. (And no, I’m not at ALL sorry for my CONSTANT use of the word magic. Ha ha ha :P)

I’m so grateful for the growth and change that is the story of me at this time in my life.

And I can’t wait to see what the next few pages of this wonderous book of life bring to me, and my sweet (cough: messy) bubbas.

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Photo by Tobi on