Due to expire in a couple of days, due to expire. And I’m not going to renew it.
I’m attached to this, my sweet little bloggy home. Truly, I am.
I’m attached to all of you, whose faces I see, whose hearts I feel I know, somehow.
But I think this time, it really is time.
Time to reinvent myself, maybe.
Time to be brave and…do something else (you all know I’ve been wobbling about for quite sometime.)
I’ve got my new creativity website which may need some attention at some point. (The link for that one is brookecutlercreative.com. Please head over and subscribe if you’re not already, I’d hate to entirely lose you all. xx)
And, of course I’m intending to continue my novel, and to keep writing at medium and see where that road drifts to.
But I think I’ll let my plan expire, here, and…just see what happens.
I can’t pay for two websites: that’s one thing I do know, and that leads me to thinking this may just be the perfect time to let the wind blow. And sit here. And let it all be.
I’m so very unsure.
But I can be brave enough to let the wind take me.
I can be brave enough to allow uncertain life to meet me here.
I tend to think that the root of all war starts with the individual. More specifically, the constant fights (and wholehearted agreements) we have—umm, with ourselves— about how good or bad, or right or wrong we are in relation to something or someone else.
But what is this inner chatter going on about, when, given the vast, unlimited nature of the universe: everything just simply is?
It just is because how could it be any other way? All humans play by different rules: from countries, to cultures, to homes. And like the trees and plants we see dotted all about the place…no one is any more right than the other. It is humanity that places labels upon x, that judges x, that separates ourselves from x.
In my opinion: labels, judgment, and separation…cause war. The small day to day wars of: ‘that’s not what I believe, or how I would behave’. And the big wars, the ones with the bombs. I think we can all collectively agree on one thing, at least: we have really got to do something about those.
The problem is that our ‘ judgments, boxes and boundaries’ also keep us safe and functioning healthily, and so there lies the mind-numbing ache of life. The absolute chaos that is the human condition. Absolute chaos. (Did I mention the chaos? It’s kind of a bit chaotic, wouldn’t you say?)
Awareness of self (and other), compassion, understanding, forgiveness and empathy feel like the answer, to me, but our survival instincts (fight, flight, freeze) are so deeply ingrained. How do we evolve healthily and sustainably without suppressing real and actual biological needs? In other words, how do we achieve collective peace without blowing ourselves up via the suppression of our emotional and primal needs? We need to be able to freely express ourselves, and yet how do we do this when we are still under the shadow of such dense societal judgment?
And, that, dear bloggy friends, is the question I’ve been mulling over for quite some time now. Awareness of self has brought a great deal of peace to my life and the life of my children that certainly wasn’t there before. Where once I growled like the wild tiger Mum scolding her naughty cubs, I now take a moment, connect with my empathy, and calmly guide the little muffins in a way that won’t completely scar them for life. Then I go for a run. A long, long run and consider the painfully obvious fact that I am human and sometimes I just really want to roar.
We really are so painfully human. We all grow, learn, break, and heal at different times in our lives, and sometimes even radical empathy is a struggle for the most empathic among us. Perhaps I’m overthinking it all, but I really do wonder if we ever will have the collective epiphany of all epiphanies.
How to achieve peace, whilst also being everything that we are.
Is it possible? I hope so, but honestly…I’m really not sure.