The perfection of life is beyond the boundaries of good and bad, sad or happy.
2015. My fourth miscarriage. The loss of pregnancy at ten weeks.
The doctor looked into my soul and told me, ‘I know the obstetrician for you. Here are his details. If this was happening to my sister, I would be telling her the very same thing. Go to this man. He will treat you beautifully.’
We ate. We laughed. We drank wine. And then we sat under the moon and talked about life and love, about nature and the universe and how it all feels so magical and huge, sometimes. We talked about everything there was to talk about, and as we did, we connected all our inner cords and allowed each other to explore the world according to us.
This morning, after wearily rising to coffee and each other, once again I sat with my friends, this time around the breakfast table. The night before was for exploring. This morning, though, was for learning. Learning just how bloody beautiful humans can be when they are ‘there’ for each other. And I mean really there, unconditionally there.
I was getting through all the sad talk until that one inevitable moment struck me and the tears came. I had barely begun to cry when her arms wrapped around me. My beautiful friend—the girl that once gifted me a rather large lolly jar and labelled it: ‘Brooke’s Stash’. She won my heart entirely on that day, and I won a rather excellent jar that I still own to this day.
Anyway, back to this morning and how she held my pain in her arms and asked it to be hers for a while. What a ridiculously wonderful piece of human that was. It wasn’t just a hug. It was safety. It was love, and it was absolutely unconditional— a moment that will stay with me and our friendship just as long as that beautiful lolly jar of hers has.
Today I learned the true meaning of ‘holding space’ for someone. I learned that a hug needs to be fearless in order to be truly given, and taken, and cherished. And I learned that I need my friends, far more than I ever knew that I needed them.
I mean, really. How crazy, ugly, beautiful it is to be human.