Categories
Life

Shining

It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Awake at 3:30 am, and really not at all tired, actually.

So I thought I’d pay you all a visit and just waffle for a while.

I’m not sure why I’m awake. I’ve had a very emotional day, perhaps that’s it; I’ve not been the best with sticking to a proper meditation routine, over the past few weeks of crazy busy. For me, a break in meditation usually means that when I do happen to find a nice rhythm, again, the heavier stuff I’ve been carrying tends to clear in waterfalls of tears. It’s lovely, really. I’m more than happy to cry out my pains, especially when I see all the good it’s done me so far.

I’ve lived enough in my life to have found many pieces of the human pie, which continue to blow my world apart, beautifully. On the surface, many of these ‘growth’ opportunities have looked like pain, and yes, in the day to day living part they’ve been painful to go through. But they have shown me things I need to heal, and they’ve also shown me how far I’ve come since I was that soft, quirky, shy little girl who would back out a cafe door at the moment of entry, if the owner looked even the tiniest bit like a meanie. And that feels really, really lovely to me.

To have gone from being someone who has buried most of the difficult things I’ve faced in life, to now be looking at them and daring to move through them bravely: I’m very proud, I have to say. I’ve still got no idea half the time, and I’m still so brokenly human, but life is for living and that’s what I’m doing.

Not only that, but I now have the promise of a beautiful soft internal world to return to when the waves of human nonsense have passed on through. I know the soft girl’s energy very well, now, so when I fully embody the beautiful warm breeze of her, I know I’m home, and I’m grateful. What a gift. I’ll never take such feminine softness for granted.

It’s such a dense and horrible world at times, which still has the ability to topple me (like the bullying post I wrote the other day) but I am getting there, I think.

I should probably try to sleep, I suppose. 🙂

So much love, bloggy friends. You know you all mean the world to me. I hope you’ve all been sailing through your own human waves and coming out shining. If not, that’s perfectly okay. You will shine again. I’m quite sure of that. xx

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Categories
Life

Sleep

It’s 4:11am.

The waves of a broken life roll through me like an unwelcome surprise upon a drying shore.

I think about hot chocolate and the sound of the ocean, because they soothe me.

Thank goodness for hot chocolate and the ocean.

Perhaps I might open up and let them flow a little deeper into me.

Perhaps, then, I might sleep again.

Categories
Life

In The Black Of Night

I’m sitting by the fire in the black of the night.

The sun shines on the other side of the world and yet here my mind is, alive without it, wondering when sleep will call for me again. My nose is cold. I’m wondering how I might fix that, too.

When the night wakes me, I lay in bed for the longest time, quite clear about the world inside of me. It’s a mystery, isn’t it, that the answers we seek in the light of the day seem somehow more visible in the dark (the actual dark).

Perhaps this awake time is good for me. A gift of energetic privacy: a land of alone, where there is no one but me to answer to, no societal rules to burden me, no expectations to snuggle in with them.

All there is in the dark of night is me, and the fire, and the moon.

I am soothed by the quiet of that.

brown beside fireplace near brown wicker basket
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Categories
Life

The Night

Sometimes, the night wakes me.

When the night wakes me I lie in bed and march through life in my mind, smiling at all the lovely things, frowning at all the things I wish the day had kept to itself.

I don’t know why the night chooses me as its ‘sometimes companion’. Perhaps it knows that I will always give it a chance to speak its mind.

Perhaps it thinks that I might like to speak my mind with it.

Which I would, of course;

If only the night called itself ‘the day’ and wore the sun bright and warm in its sky.

Then I’d be happy to share my life with it.

Then I’d be happy for the night to wake me.

short coated brown puppy sleeping beside grey dc skate shoe
Photo by Torsten Dettlaff on Pexels.com