I hope you’re all coping with whatever your COVID situation looks like. I have been. And I haven’t. But I’m still noticing small wins along the way, which make me feel a little better about the whole ‘life can be so completely shitty sometimes,’ thing.
I’ve been so proud of my growth in awareness, for example. And where I still flail around like a tiny fish in a way too big swimming pool more times than I’d wish, I’m giving myself this one beautiful moment.
A great big YES to all the NO I often tell myself.
So much of my personal growth and power have come from the moments I’ve seen, and owned, the ways I’ve been a bit of a (total) nong. It’s so nice to imagine the new possibilities these growth spurts are likely bringing towards me.
Of course, I’ll always be human. We all will. And it would be foolish to think that growing pains will never arise within my wonky little human boat, again.
But I’m on my way, and I’m so glad I’ve got the sweetest bloggy family to hang out with along the road to…somewhere else.
It’s a lovely feeling, don’t get me wrong. Soft and sweet, like a warm rainy day. It’s a feeling I’ve sat with at various points over the last few years, a new softness that has grown into me like the sweetest of dreams.
It’s just…it’s an aching quiet, actually, is what it is.
A middle land. A place for me to live within the beauty of this moment, a place to also feel the absence of the hearts and souls that bring me to life. How beautiful it is to connect with souls who fill you with life itself. How beautiful it is to love them. If only I could bottle them and keep them with me always.
I’ll never regret a moment of this winding life.
The aches that have held me so firmly in place some days, the internal fights that have cracked me open. The surrender. It’s all a part of it, isn’t it? This life we all try so hard to control— there is no controlling it. Even if we could catch the wind in a jar…how could we possibly know it was in there?
I am handing you this small patch of quiet in the hopes you might pin it to your heart, or your soul, or somewhere nice. That the soft of me might bring you some comfort, or friendship, or whatever it is that might be missing for you in this moment.
To those friends I am missing: I love you. You are a part of me.
To those I will never meet again, it was sweet. (Or not. Just sayin’)
And to the parts of me that are magically brewing in some invisible place, waiting to be seen and known and touched: I am here.