Today my heart is quiet.
And it knows deeply
that it has lived.
Categories
Tag: Sadness
I bounded out of bed. No, really, I bounded out of bed and bounced around my room, arms and legs flailing— a sort of contemporary dance concoction that would have won me the award for the most daggy morning-human, ever. ( Like, ever ever. )
I’m glad I listened to the quiet whisper that asked me to flick Spotify onto a super playlist of YES, and go with it. It started my day beautifully, and had me connecting to my heart and full energetic flow right away, which I struggle with from time to time, I’ll admit.
I’m feeling positive, at the moment, which feels empowering and wonderful on the back of the bouts of depression I’ve found myself wading through over the past couple of years. I’m probably a little odd in my take on the denser human experiences such as depression, but I believe it’s all there to frame life and to, ultimately, make it better. To show us who, how and where we are now, and to teach us who, how and where we would prefer to be.
Without times of imbalance, how can we possibly know and appreciate our body in equilibrium? How can we recognise the things in life we need to shift if we don’t experience a reaction to them? How can we feel deep empathy for others experiencing tough times, if we haven’t stomped through the sludge, ourselves?
Do I like being depressed? Well, no. It’s a journey fraught with many a winding road and impossibly steep hill. But do I see how it has grown me as an empathic human and broadened my perspective for the good of a great deal more people than just me? Absolutely. And I’m so, so grateful.
I am also grateful to able to dance about the house like an absolute loon and, rather than feel silly, fully LOVE the ways this body of mine can be all the magical things.
YES!
Photo by Filipi Escudine on Pexels.com
Categories
Connection
But if I was always
happy
how would I know
the absolute beauty
of real
human
connection.
And how would I discover
the strength
I have
inside.
Categories
Rainy Days
Rainy days,
come find me sweet.
Spill your goodness
into the arms of the day,
until the sun shines on the fields
once more.
Categories
The Day The Sun Died
The ocean was alive the day the sun died.
Nobody saw its white beauty.
Nobody felt the cool of its break on their skin.
Eerie silence rose into the sky the day the sun died.
Pain instead of joy, broken instead of fixed;
life, never to shine again.
The sun was dead.
Still the ocean was perfect.
Categories
Diamonds and Stones
My next life lesson
will be to blow through days of stone,
and understand that days of stone
do not indicate a whole life
of stone.
Still there are diamond days.
Always
there will be both.
And never
am
I
broken.
Categories
These Tears
Do these tears make you
uncomfortable?
How about
this:
does the rain make you
uncomfortable?
The sky
is not afraid to rain, and I
am not afraid to cry.
I am not afraid of what you’ll
think
of me if I cry. Just as I am not
afraid
of what you’ll think of me if
I sneeze.
Or laugh.
Or breathe.
Categories
Proof of Glum
I’m hovering over the heater. If my pants were made of plastic, in fact, they’d have melted to my legs by now.
That’s beside the point, I suppose. The point is…actually, there is no point. I’m just feeling a little glum and I wanted the world to know that this sort of thing happens to people.
Sadness. Pain.
It happens, and here I am, gifting you all with the gloriously heavy mud bricks of proof. Proof of glum. (Thank goodness I made this a little blog of everything. Today, it’s my diary.)
I wonder if any of you remember the girl who started this blog. Perpetually happy. Not a cloud in the sky. She was a little soul starved, certainly, but she was sparkly, and happy happy happy. She could walk in nature and listen to music without bursting into flaming sobs of aching life.
My life is broken. And it’s also the greatest, most beautiful magical life I’ve ever known; a creative adventure that touches me to the very core. Can you see the utter confusion I’m dealing with here?
I’m angry. At everybody and nobody at all.
I’m sad, because I am.
I’ve just read a wonderful article about the creative brain, actually, and how creative folk do tend to go through bouts of depression and the like, just because of the way we’re wired. Because of the often self imposed isolation (umm, me.) Because of the heightened senses (umm, also me.)
I suppose it’s a seperate can of worms when you throw in a marriage seperation, two small children, a global health pandemic and a raging angry sea of humans. I feel all these things deeply. And where once I buried pain as soon as it struck, I now allow myself to feel it. (Who even does that. Blurgh.)
I don’t want anyone to worry about me. The clouds always clear. Usually by morning (so there’s the bright side girl, being annoying again.)
But life, hey. ☺️ Sometimes I just feel a little more human than I really want to, and I suppose the next part of my journey is learning how to be okay with that.
I’m certain I must be known around town as that girl who walks and cries. It’s the music. It quite literally becomes me, to the point where I feel like I’m a floating puff of emotional cloud. It’s not even my emotion. Its the emotion (the energy) of the song. People must think I’m barking mad as I float along, sometimes whimsical, sometimes in tears.
Anyway. Fascinating. Wonderous.
Achey.
I’ll get there. x
So much love, bloggy friends.
This ol’ softy, Brooke.
Categories
Sleepy Heart
Sleepy heart,
whisper to me
of laughter and love;
comfort trickling down
the mountain of mysterious
life.
Shall I bring the sunrise?
Shall I wipe away these tears
with the sweet knowing
of tomorrows smile?
Categories
Frozen In Time
Winter in my eyes,
the warm river of me
slowly
ceases to flow.
Frozen in time,
with only the memory
of two hearts spinning
into one
sweet
love.
