Categories
Spiritual Awakening

Confessions Of A Meditator

This is a big post for me. A very vulnerable one, which is saying something, considering all I ever do is unzip my chest and share my heart with the lot of you.

I’m sharing all this with you because I’ve been largely bottling it all up inside, for many reasons, really, but mainly fear of judgement. I think I’m ready now, though. I think it’s time to share.

I suppose I want to dive a little bit deeper into my awakening story because I’m so sure there are others out there who are going through very similar experiences. I want to be as specific as I can, to help them. Because, guys…I was scared shitless when I went from being normal, to…well, really not very normal at all.

Before I had all my medical check ups, even though I was faced with a sea of internet advice from those who’d travelled the spiritual path before me, I was still convinced I was probably dying. At the very least, broken in some way. My body is perfectly fine as it turns out. Better than fine, more often than not, apart from the depression that’s arisen from travelling a bit of a rocky road of late.

Below are some of the changes I’ve experienced on my journey so far:

  1. I can feel music within my body.

I’ve always felt a great surge of freedom and joy while singing, so that’s not really new. But what is new is the feeling of bliss/wind and lightness beneath my skin as I listen to certain songs. This energy feels so, so beautiful, and seems to match the intensity/vibe of the particular song I’m listening to. And no, it’s not at all normal, I don’t suppose. Unless…it is? Maybe you lot have all had the pleasure of living this way this whole time and I’m only just coming to the party now. How funny to think of that! Where have I been my whole life? That poor little softie I used to be must have numbed out pretty early on to have missed out on all this goodness!

2. I feel my own power within my body, and I hold myself accordingly.

This one was a super freaky change for me. For my whole life I’ve lived as this sweet, quirky, shy little thing. I’m still all those things. But I seem to have grown into a beautiful confidence I’ve never known. Now I speak with my hands and I hold myself like a lion when I need to. It’s freaky. And absolutely the most graceful, empowering feeling in the world. I do still suffer from some pretty yucky insecurities, from time to time, particularly when my energy is not at all clear and my hormones are ridiculous, but over all the empowerment is a lovely addition to team me.

3. When my energy is clear, writing (creating) is as easy as breathing.

I meditate everyday which clears my energy. It feels a little bit like I’ve had a shower on the inside, which is the most wonderful light feeling in the world. It activates The Soft Girl (my intuition/grace/God/the universe-whatever you believe is in charge of this whole shindig) and when it does, my writing just flies out of me. I don’t think. I just write. And somehow, by some miracle, what I write makes sense. And isn’t entirely terrible, either.

4. I feel the energy flowing through specific energy centres, and through my body, when I write (sometimes.)

This is one of my absolute favourites, and completely new, post awakening. When I sit down to write a poem, let’s say, I relax my entire body and as I do I begin to feel the energy flow. It begins at my lower belly (my sacral chakra) as a very light swirling feeling, as though a cool wind is moving through my abdomen. (I should be clear here: before my awakening, I had never even heard of Chakras, so you might imagine just how freaked out I was when I began to feel the energy swirling, buzzing and lighting up within my body! Ha ha ha.)

This same cool wind moves up and through my torso as I write. This is the sensation I call The Soft Girl, and this lovely lady feels like the sweetest, softest bliss. I’d imagine, to all you out there on team God, this feeling would be considered Grace. I could easily believe that. Though I don’t necessarily believe in a bearded man called God, I believe this is surely much more than a neurological function. It is far too beautiful a feeling, and life change, not to be considered something more.

5. I can feel my energy grounding into the earth.

This one is also an absolutely wonderful feeling. There are a few ways I feel this one: and these ways are available to all, I might add, through meditation. The first way I feel my energy grounding is through my legs and feet. There is a wonderful practice in meditation where you ask (focus) your energy to move down your legs and into the earth. We have chakras in our feet, and when you intend to open these chakras you can actually feel the energy in your feet begin to whir and release. Just so beautiful, and so worth a try for all of you who are curious.

Another way I feel my energy ground is by sitting on the earth. This one is a little more rare, for me, but as I sit on the earth and relax (and, again, intend to ground my energy) there is almost a heavy rippling feeling where my seat bone meets the earth. Very often this is also accompanied by an involuntary jolt at the base of my spine. Guys. This one is super freaky and amazing. To feel my body jolt involuntarily like this…it’s just so cool. And people wonder why I’m so in love with nature. 🙂

***

Anyhow, I’ve been wanting to share all this for a while now but, honestly, even though it’s all been going on for a couple of years, sharing it all is still very new to me. I tend to stay quiet about the particulars unless I know I’m talking to a safe person, someone who won’t judge me for being odd or broken or the like.

I’m not alone in this life transformation and the beautiful oddities that come along with it, I know that. Many of my friends are now experiencing this sort of awakening, too, which is so lovely and reassuring. But I’m yet to come across an Empath with my specific deep feeling sensitivities. I’m dying to have that conversation. You know the one. The ‘oh, my goodness, ME TOO!’ one.

If any of you out there would like to share your own awakening/meditation/energy healing experiences in the comments, please do. Anything that will help me, and others, feel less alone and more empowered to explore the boundaries of our path can only be a good thing, I think.

So much love, my very bloggy family. Stay safe. Ugly cry as much as you want. 🙂

xx Brooke

Categories
Poetry

Emerald Sweet

I breathe

but I can’t feel you.

I soften but creation does not flow.

Am I stuck?

Or do I just think

I am stuck

because I am not flying

through raw wisps of forestland?

It is my choice to be there,

drifting in the emerald sweet.

Where I am meant to be.

Where I will always be in my mind.

And my heart.

Categories
Poetry

Glorious Sun

Never become separate

from the raging, hungry depths

of you.

Sweet you.

Sweet, glorious sun.

Shine for a thousand tomorrows.

Shine for a thousand blazing days of you.

Categories
Poetry

A Soft Smile From A Friend

In the morning

I will ask for peace

and a soft smile from a friend.

Categories
Poetry

Scarlet Dreams

Grip my body in darkness

and I will show you

your soul.

May the black of the air around us

swirl

with scarlet dreams

and indigo flight.

silhouettes of hugging couple standing in arch in darkness
Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com

Categories
Poetry

All That I Am

Today, I begin the school of life again.

I hold my own hand, soft and unsure, as I stand at the gates of the unknown.

I am afraid.

I am also deep within the stillness of unafraid—

the beautiful tendril in the clouds,

the sweet surrender of a long resisted kiss.

I am the quiet that takes each step with me.

I am the longing I leave at the gate.

I am the breath this new life fills me with.

I am

all that I am,

and always will be.

alone back beach girl
Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com

Categories
Poetry

Serious

Why

so

serious?

When all you need to know is:

I am human.

So are you.

Why

paint our condition

with news voices

and walls that keep us

stuck

in the rat race

of clown face.

Have we become but heartless

statues

longing for the truth?

We are the truth.

We already are

the truth.

Categories
Poetry

Breath

I am

the same breath

as my art.

Categories
The Darling Blog Of May

Darling Day 19. Darling of my Soul

Darling of my soul.

Darling of my soul.

Categories
The Darling Blog Of May

Darling Day 13. The Wind of Everything

Every darling day,

I wait

to breathe.

Just one breath.

A chance

to be,

to dream,

to love.

And when that

gust of life becomes me

I am grateful.

To the darling wind

of everything…

I am grateful.