Categories
Poetry

Neat and Tidy

She came in a neat and tidy box.

Most of them did.

Until they opened the box

and life began.

Categories
Poetry

The Wolf

When the moon is full

they will remember:

the wolf howls

into the shining night.

And so do they.

Categories
Spiritual Awakening

Confessions Of A Meditator

This is a big post for me. A very vulnerable one, which is saying something, considering all I ever do is unzip my chest and share my heart with the lot of you.

I’m sharing all this with you because I’ve been largely bottling it all up inside, for many reasons, really, but mainly fear of judgement. I think I’m ready now, though. I think it’s time to share.

I suppose I want to dive a little bit deeper into my awakening story because I’m so sure there are others out there who are going through very similar experiences. I want to be as specific as I can, to help them. Because, guys…I was scared shitless when I went from being normal, to…well, really not very normal at all.

Before I had all my medical check ups, even though I was faced with a sea of internet advice from those who’d travelled the spiritual path before me, I was still convinced I was probably dying. At the very least, broken in some way. My body is perfectly fine as it turns out. Better than fine, more often than not, apart from the depression that’s arisen from travelling a bit of a rocky road of late.

Below are some of the changes I’ve experienced on my journey so far:

  1. I can feel music within my body.

I’ve always felt a great surge of freedom and joy while singing, so that’s not really new. But what is new is the feeling of bliss/wind and lightness beneath my skin as I listen to certain songs. This energy feels so, so beautiful, and seems to match the intensity/vibe of the particular song I’m listening to. And no, it’s not at all normal, I don’t suppose. Unless…it is? Maybe you lot have all had the pleasure of living this way this whole time and I’m only just coming to the party now. How funny to think of that! Where have I been my whole life? That poor little softie I used to be must have numbed out pretty early on to have missed out on all this goodness!

2. I feel my own power within my body, and I hold myself accordingly.

This one was a super freaky change for me. For my whole life I’ve lived as this sweet, quirky, shy little thing. I’m still all those things. But I seem to have grown into a beautiful confidence I’ve never known. Now I speak with my hands and I hold myself like a lion when I need to. It’s freaky. And absolutely the most graceful, empowering feeling in the world. I do still suffer from some pretty yucky insecurities, from time to time, particularly when my energy is not at all clear and my hormones are ridiculous, but over all the empowerment is a lovely addition to team me.

3. When my energy is clear, writing (creating) is as easy as breathing.

I meditate everyday which clears my energy. It feels a little bit like I’ve had a shower on the inside, which is the most wonderful light feeling in the world. It activates The Soft Girl (my intuition/grace/God/the universe-whatever you believe is in charge of this whole shindig) and when it does, my writing just flies out of me. I don’t think. I just write. And somehow, by some miracle, what I write makes sense. And isn’t entirely terrible, either.

4. I feel the energy flowing through specific energy centres, and through my body, when I write (sometimes.)

This is one of my absolute favourites, and completely new, post awakening. When I sit down to write a poem, let’s say, I relax my entire body and as I do I begin to feel the energy flow. It begins at my lower belly (my sacral chakra) as a very light swirling feeling, as though a cool wind is moving through my abdomen. (I should be clear here: before my awakening, I had never even heard of Chakras, so you might imagine just how freaked out I was when I began to feel the energy swirling, buzzing and lighting up within my body! Ha ha ha.)

This same cool wind moves up and through my torso as I write. This is the sensation I call The Soft Girl, and this lovely lady feels like the sweetest, softest bliss. I’d imagine, to all you out there on team God, this feeling would be considered Grace. I could easily believe that. Though I don’t necessarily believe in a bearded man called God, I believe this is surely much more than a neurological function. It is far too beautiful a feeling, and life change, not to be considered something more.

5. I can feel my energy grounding into the earth.

This one is also an absolutely wonderful feeling. There are a few ways I feel this one: and these ways are available to all, I might add, through meditation. The first way I feel my energy grounding is through my legs and feet. There is a wonderful practice in meditation where you ask (focus) your energy to move down your legs and into the earth. We have chakras in our feet, and when you intend to open these chakras you can actually feel the energy in your feet begin to whir and release. Just so beautiful, and so worth a try for all of you who are curious.

Another way I feel my energy ground is by sitting on the earth. This one is a little more rare, for me, but as I sit on the earth and relax (and, again, intend to ground my energy) there is almost a heavy rippling feeling where my seat bone meets the earth. Very often this is also accompanied by an involuntary jolt at the base of my spine. Guys. This one is super freaky and amazing. To feel my body jolt involuntarily like this…it’s just so cool. And people wonder why I’m so in love with nature. 🙂

***

Anyhow, I’ve been wanting to share all this for a while now but, honestly, even though it’s all been going on for a couple of years, sharing it all is still very new to me. I tend to stay quiet about the particulars unless I know I’m talking to a safe person, someone who won’t judge me for being odd or broken or the like.

I’m not alone in this life transformation and the beautiful oddities that come along with it, I know that. Many of my friends are now experiencing this sort of awakening, too, which is so lovely and reassuring. But I’m yet to come across an Empath with my specific deep feeling sensitivities. I’m dying to have that conversation. You know the one. The ‘oh, my goodness, ME TOO!’ one.

If any of you out there would like to share your own awakening/meditation/energy healing experiences in the comments, please do. Anything that will help me, and others, feel less alone and more empowered to explore the boundaries of our path can only be a good thing, I think.

So much love, my very bloggy family. Stay safe. Ugly cry as much as you want. 🙂

xx Brooke

Categories
Poetry

The Path Of The Righteous

How hard we strive

to maintain the path of the righteous.

And yet

someone, somewhere

aches on the flip side

of right.

So, what is right?

There is only

bitter sweet

existence.

Categories
Poetry

Open Rose

These hours of twilight.

How soft they have been,

like rain on a dusty summer road.

Here I am.

A woman, at last.

Home in the truth

of this soft heart of mine.

A rose of musk in bloom

this day.

And every day beyond.

Categories
Poetry

Innocent War

And there you are

with eyes wide closed,

slicing through bullies

with the very hatred you oppose.

It is all pain, to me.

The daggers of hate

disguised as love.

The broken ways in which

change

is achieved

in this world.

Are my eyes so different

that I must be an anomaly

of this world?

It is all pain, to me,

your innocent war.

I wish so desperately for peace.

Categories
Poetry

And They Wait

And they wait for something more.

And they sip cold tea.

And they laugh with sad eyes.

And they speak with serious voices.

And they hide the soft pieces of their hearts.

And they wait.

And they wait.

And they wait for something more.

Categories
Poetry

Dreams

Will I always dream of life beyond the creaky bones of now?

The other side of the hill will call again, no doubt, whispering: this is what your life could be.

And though my heart is full, will I always dream of something more?

Of the life beyond the life?

The echo of the here.

The shadow of the now.

Dreams are always somewhere else, aren’t they?In a place that doesn’t exist.

Shall I creep towards that place, knowing there is no destination?

Knowing the birth of a dream will only end it and call forth the birth a new one?

Knowing the dream train will never ever reach the station?

Categories
Poetry

Tomorrow’s Sweet Sun

How sweet it is, dear life.

To choose better, without handing a cup of pain to another.

To know my worth and to ask equal to its value without hesitation: a true gift from the whirling, twirling invisible world of all.

I have a choice, is what life has shown me. To kindly and carefully choose a brighter day. To say thank you but no, this does not work for me.

To seek compromise fairly

or else

gracefully capture

tomorrow’s sweet sun.

Categories
Poetry

Cherry Sky

The cherry sky

was never meant to stay,

however beautiful.