Categories
Life

Waiting For Baby Again

Eight years ago it was, when I sat on the couch, a day before my 30th birthday, suspecting today might be the day I’d meet my very first baby.

There was a muslei bar involved. Four AM insomnia. And I suppose there must have been some sort of mild lower belly/back discomfort that had me thinking this particular morning might be different to other mornings. Waiting for baby. How epic a wait it had become.

Today, I sit upon the couch once more, again at an extraordinary hour, again watching the morning show and dealing with certain pregnancy discomforts. I am smiling quietly as I think of the years to come where I will reflect on the days I once ‘waited for baby’. Usually eating something grainy. Usually at ridiculous o’ clock.

I’m nearly 38 weeks pregnant, now, so it’s lovely to think that baby will be with us any time from now on. Just when it will join us is the greatest of mysteries and, I suppose, one of the most beautiful of life’s epic frustrations. It is one of the many times in a woman’s life where she is utterly out of control, and all that truly can be done to remedy the pain of resistance is relax and let it be. Let it be. It’s not an easy concept for a human mind to grasp, is it, and yet here I am. Having to give it my very best shot.

It’s come at the heals of a good few years of learning to ‘let it be’. Learning to release control and understand that life is only ever what it is, as opposed to what I always thought it was meant to be. What I often try too hard to make it.

I’m tired. I don’t know when I’ll meet this baby, I just don’t know.

But I do know I’m about to roll back into bed for the morning, which will be lovely.

I do know that first breakfast was lovely, and second breakfast (‘I don’t think they know about second breakfast, Pip’) will likely be wonderful, too.

Either way, I’m certain I’ll look back at this uncontrollable life, fondly.

The days I waited for my sweet, sweet babies to come with such frustration and desperation.

The days life happened sneakily in the background while I waited for something else to arrive.

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Categories
Life

Peace and Drama

The sky is marble grey and it is raining.

It is so very lovely. Peaceful if I were to give it a word.

And here I am, relaxing my way through another afternoon of life in the 35th week of pregnancy.

I had a rather large shock, today. We all did, actually, including baby, I’d imagine…which was partly what made the shock ever more shocking to me.

It all began with the sound of water splashing about in the laundry. An unfamiliar sound, which instantly raised alarm bells (isn’t the human brain completely brilliant? How it records the predictability of life so thoroughly that any change to the norm has it asking questions. Prodding for investigation.)

I rushed in to see if my suspicions of unusual laundry activity were valid. They were. The sink had flooded and water was spilling onto the tiles; an unwelcome flood, indeed. After fishing out the gunk that had somehow blocked the plug hole, I began the clean up efforts. One towel, two towel, three towels and that would do it.

Then it happened. I slipped, as if on a comical banana peel, on a puddle of water that had very cheekily pooled in the door way, and in moments I was on my bottom. Shocked. And extremely worried about the little baby inside me who, no doubt, felt a great big jolt at the moment my full weight struck the ground.

There were tears of fright as I relayed the scene to my very calm and wonderful husband. We both agreed. I would visit the hospital, to make sure bub was still travelling okay. I waddled up to the birth suite and met with the midwife (a lovely, gentle, kind one: aren’t they the best sort?) who directed me into the monitoring room, with a soft voice, and began the usual monitoring procedures.

Two bands around the belly to check for contractions and baby heart beat. One clamp on my finger to monitor my own internal state. And there I would stay, just for a little while, to make sure there was no sudden decline in baby’s health due to the fall.

Thankfully, bubby passed the test with flying colours, and here I am on the couch: so grateful for the beautiful, supportive health care system I have access to at any time, for free, during my pregnancy. Bubs is boofing away on the inside. Rascal one and two are quietly doing their thing on the outside. Everything is good again.

Although, my goodness, I do wish the drama might pipe down a bit.

I’d just like a few extra weeks. No falls, no unusual contractions.

Just me.

Just hubby,

kiddies,

bubby.

Just a sweet, calm breeze, wishing us merrily on our way, again.

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Categories
Motherhood

False Labour And Celebratory Chocolate

I’ve just eaten some celebratory chocolate.

This chocolate (and as you all know, I’m quite partial to a piece or four on any regular day) was very much celebrated if only for the fact that it meant I was home and able to eat it. Not at the hospital. Having a baby. Early.

I’ve just had a little bout of false labour at thirty-four weeks pregnant, which was a little too real for comfort, to be frank. Because, although most google-able literature states that babies born this far along generally do okay with a little help, I’m more of a ‘let’s be absolutely, totally sure’ kind of a girl.

And so, now, looking back at the achy little while gone by, I hush my babe back to rest and find peace again in its sweet, stretchy movements; contractions put away, hopefully for weeks beyond this day.

I can’t wait to meet our beautiful little baby.

But actually…I really do think I can wait.

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Categories
Life

I’m Here

I’m here, at the moment.

I’m not lost in some dream.

I’m not missing the things or people I don’t have.

I’m just here.

I’m tired, feeling the heaviness of my eyes.

I’m growing new life, feeling baby stretch within my tiny human frame.

I’m feeling the cold in my right foot more than my left.

I’m here, at the moment.

I’m here.

I’m here.

I’m here.

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