They feel like my Nan, these flowers. Mauve in colour, roses in almost full bloom. I think she must be here in essence, when I feel such moments.
The way people sense the world is vastly different isn’t it? Most people see it. Most people hear it, smell it, feel it with bodily touch.
But I feel the world in a different way. I feel the invisible, the things you cannot touch.
When I see a friend who looks happy, I usually tell them, ‘you feel good’. Most of my friends understand this about me. Others must wonder what I mean when I tell them they feel a certain way, when actually…I’m not touching them at all.
I can’t describe the way people feel to me. Or the way the world feels: the different aspects, moods and colours of the world. All I can say is that everything and everyone feels different to me.
I can’t be around certain people for the discomfort of it.
Others, I would die to spend an hour in their beatuful wind.
Am I Autistic? Probably. ADHD? Aspergers? Probably.
If I am these labels that seem to indicate ‘broken’, I wish more of the world was broken, like me.
To feel is to know and understand pain. To know and to understand the human condition is to seek to help, rather than to judge.
Perhaps if more humans were my sort of broken, humanity would be kind.
Then again, perhaps I’m the ultimate dreamer of a dream that can never come true.