May they find the hours
of my love for them
strewn upon these coloured pages.
May their names shine with my love,
and may their eyes light
with the truth of all they are.
May these hours,
and these pages dear,
show my children that love is pure
beyond thinking.
Love is…
love
is.
Motherhood has opened my heart in both expected and unexpected ways. It’s taught me that I never truly knew concepts such as shame or guilt before, or responsibility, or disappointment, or sorrow.
And I often get down on myself when I don’t get it right. When I snap at them for being children. When I’m too lazy to be the Mother I know I can be to them.
Then there was today. Today when a situation arose that put my parenting skills to the test, and they were met and exceeded, to my absolute delight.
I have to celebrate this beautiful victory with all of my heart. I have to love myself as much as I love my babies and say: Mum, you did a great job.
I am not perfect.
But today, I was a great Mum.
Who knows what I’ll be tomorrow.
I know the words I’ve spoken are true;
they have been wider and further than the ordinary kind.
Those words of the heart that stretch across souls, here they are: truth sending forth her deepest moan.
The absolute truth is unmistakable.
I know
I know
the absolute truth.
I’m going to gift myself something beautiful, tonight.
I’m going to gift myself time.
I’ve been running on full speed, trying to be everything I can be, just in case I run out of minutes in my day.
Most days, as a Mum of three little ones, I do run out of minutes.
And energy.
So, tonight I will sit and breathe.
I’ll not need to go anywhere, I’ll not need to do anything.
All I’ll need to do
is be.
And the time starts…
now.
Love
the word
is not enough.
Love
the feeling
is infinite.
She danced like no one was watching.
She went to that place where all artists go when they create.
She is my daughter and she is five, but actually she is ageless, and it was this beautiful, ageless essence that danced her.
We thought we were there to watch a busker play his peaceful guitar.
We weren’t.
We were there to watch her.
And to know it was a moment so precious that those of us who witnessed it won’t forget.
My darling girl.
She danced like no one was watching.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I always have, I always will.
With my family here by my side on this, the great Tasmanian adventure, I’m pretty much bathing in love hearts…which is the loveliest.
That’s the thing about family.
They feel like home.
And at home I am free to be who I am, all the way ’round, back out the other side again.
It is the loveliest thing.
And they sometimes roll their eyes at my love hearty ways, and they probably think I’m a little odd, at times.
But there is always unconditional love to be found.
That’s the thing about family.
That’s the thing that fills my joy pots to overflowing.
It has been a beautiful day.
The kind of day that flows from start to end, like a delicious water feature lulling the water from plate to plate to plate, finally to rest in a peaceful pool below.
The bigger kids were perfect.
The baby was lovely.
I was in a state of peaceful balance, and as a Mum of three busy little humans, I’m so, so grateful for this state, always.
Isn’t life funny?
It’s usually when you’re most exhausted that peaceful days like today come along and provide the perfect contrast to the madness.
A beautiful day it was.
A beautiful day, indeed.
I’m the sole parent of three tiny humans, this weekend. It’s as exhausting as it sounds, but I have tea and I have chocolate.
And I’m watching Westside Story.
Sigh.
The baby will wake soon.
Tomorrow. xx
Oh, dear rest.
How beautiful to touch your softness, so.
When I, the weary boned,
have assaulted this body
with your skeleton friend, exhaustion.
How sweet it is, this sigh of the deep.
How darling to fall to the earth
and know this motherly love
has filled my day to its gilded brim.
brooke-cutler.com 