I feel the way I feel
because I feel the way I feel.
Because I am soft
and gentle,
because I am wild as the rain
and free as the sky.
But I am not free,
not really,
not in this world.
And that is surely
a tragic day
for the aspect of me
who knows she is unlimited.
This train.
It is a train that fights abuse
by abusing abusers,
and I do not understand it,
my heart.
It does not understand.
They tell me I must fight,
I must fight,
I must fight.
But I will not fight.
I will know myself,
I will love myself
(imperfectly)
and I will remember
I have the strength to shine
beyond it all.
And I will shine.
Above the train,
whenever I can,
alone,
if I must.
Oh, but those who feel like the wind!
How lovely they are.
How very lovely.
What is this life
that drags me all the ways
through every shard of splintered glass?
I want to scream at the sun to stop!
Just for a moment,
stop.
Stop shining there.
I want only to wish on the moon
for peace,
oh for peace!
For peace,
indeed,
is a dream
to those who seek it
lifetimes long.
To rest a moment
beyond the race
is the blissful day.
To rest a moment.
To rest.
This moment.
The lonely soul
is a beauty.
She is quiet,
so quiet
as she whispers her way
through the noise,
through the dark,
through the rain.
Sing a sweet song to her.
Call to her
and she shall hand you
a soft and thoughtful dream.
Your truth is true
because you believe it.
And you must believe it
until you no longer do.
There is no quick way to birth a rose.
A rose must slowly
awaken
to beautiful
wide-open
life.
Wide-open-life.
It is a place that exists only
in the sky of us.
A neutral place,
where all are loved,
and all love
unconditionally.
Believe what you will.
Choose a side
if you will.
It is true for now.
It is true, only for now.
Until the rose opens.
Until the garden grows.
I am all that I am,
and wherever I drift
on the wind of today
is as it should be,
is all that I am.
As it should be
is all that I am.
It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Awake at 3:30 am, and really not at all tired, actually.
So I thought I’d pay you all a visit and just waffle for a while.
I’m not sure why I’m awake. I’ve had a very emotional day, perhaps that’s it; I’ve not been the best with sticking to a proper meditation routine, over the past few weeks of crazy busy. For me, a break in meditation usually means that when I do happen to find a nice rhythm, again, the heavier stuff I’ve been carrying tends to clear in waterfalls of tears. It’s lovely, really. I’m more than happy to cry out my pains, especially when I see all the good it’s done me so far.
I’ve lived enough in my life to have found many pieces of the human pie, which continue to blow my world apart, beautifully. On the surface, many of these ‘growth’ opportunities have looked like pain, and yes, in the day to day living part they’ve been painful to go through. But they have shown me things I need to heal, and they’ve also shown me how far I’ve come since I was that soft, quirky, shy little girl who would back out a cafe door at the moment of entry, if the owner looked even the tiniest bit like a meanie. And that feels really, really lovely to me.
To have gone from being someone who has buried most of the difficult things I’ve faced in life, to now be looking at them and daring to move through them bravely: I’m very proud, I have to say. I’ve still got no idea half the time, and I’m still so brokenly human, but life is for living and that’s what I’m doing.
Not only that, but I now have the promise of a beautiful soft internal world to return to when the waves of human nonsense have passed on through. I know the soft girl’s energy very well, now, so when I fully embody the beautiful warm breeze of her, I know I’m home, and I’m grateful. What a gift. I’ll never take such feminine softness for granted.
It’s such a dense and horrible world at times, which still has the ability to topple me (like the bullying post I wrote the other day) but I am getting there, I think.
I should probably try to sleep, I suppose. 🙂
So much love, bloggy friends. You know you all mean the world to me. I hope you’ve all been sailing through your own human waves and coming out shining. If not, that’s perfectly okay. You will shine again. I’m quite sure of that. xx
The sun is one
but never can shine
as one.
Her rays will splay,
and always touch the world
(in slices)
as they do.
How they splay
is a question for each new moment.
Who they will touch,
and in what way:
undiscovered.
The sun will shine as she will.
The sun will always shine
as she will.
There is no sound.
There is only the air.
There is only the peace that was stolen
from the garden
of every man.
There is no sound.
There is only quiet, now.
